Lost Dreams Read online

  Lost Dreams

  by

  Jude Ouvrard

  Copyright © Jude Ouvrard 2014

  Published by Jude Ouvrard

  The right of Jude Ouvrard to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her under the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.

  License Notes: This novel is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This print may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

  This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  KINDLE VERSION

  Cover Artist: Kari March

  Pictures: © Curaphotography © Andrey Arkusha

  Table of Contents

  Table of Contents

  1.

  2.

  3.

  4.

  5.

  6.

  7.

  8.

  9.

  10.

  11.

  12.

  13.

  14.

  15.

  16.

  17.

  18.

  19.

  20.

  21.

  22.

  23.

  24.

  25.

  26.

  27.

  28.

  29.

  30.

  31.

  32.

  EPILOGUE.

  Acknowledgement

  Who is Jude?

  To all the wives and husbands who never got the chance to say goodbye.

  To all the soldiers who’s soul left before their time.

  1.

  July 13th, 2007

  Carter

  "Deployed?" I repeated the word aloud, anxious about the prospect. "But I'm getting married tomorrow!"

  Every morning, Remy arrived to drink coffee. Sometimes, it was the only time of the day where we'd see each other and other times, he wouldn't leave until after dark. My home was his home. We were living on base and as close as family gets. Special Forces were family. Everyone knew pretty much everything about me and I knew everything about them. Their kids’ names, their wives, even their dogs. Most of us were far from our real families, so it was good to be able to count on them.

  "We’re leaving on the 16th." Remy paused and we lapsed into silence for a moment. That meant I couldn't give my wife the honeymoon she deserved. I was going to leave her two days later. I knew she would understand, because she knew how it worked. Her parents had served in the Army for many years and she'd spent her whole life around soldiers.

  It broke my heart to leave her so soon after our wedding. "I'm sorry man. At least it's our last time. After that you'll be with her as long as she wants you."

  "Yeah. I know.'' I was having a hard time deciding if I wanted to leave the Special Forces, I wanted to because I wanted a life here with Avery, but I loved being part of this team. ''But I still don't like it. I wanted more time with her, I wanted to have a family and see my child grow up.” For the first time in my life, I wasn't happy to be leaving. I wanted to stay with Avery and cherish her and the fact that she wasn't coming with us was making it even harder. For the past ten years, we’d worked together, teamed up and built a strong bond. Without her, I was a lonely man.

  Avery was the sunshine in my life. Even in the height of battle, when things were really tough, she still shone like a diamond. She remained strong the whole time, stronger than some of the guys. Her determination and passion for her work made her of one of the best soldiers I've ever known.

  I had three days left with her and I had to make the best of it. I wanted to spoil her, convince her she was the most important person in my world. She loved flowers and chocolates, so I decided to buy her a huge bouquet of pink roses and the biggest box of Godiva chocolates I could find. She'd mentioned wanting to paint her nails for our wedding and I figured a manicure and pedicure was the best gift I could give her. I booked an appointment for the afternoon. While she was getting her nails pretty, I'd search out a cute summer dress for her and invite her to dinner at her favourite restaurant. I wanted Avery to remember all the good things and not our little fights about the wedding arrangements.

  "I have to go Carter, I have a few things to plan myself," Remy said, drawing me out of my thoughts.

  "I’ll see you tomorrow."

  "Of course, I wouldn't miss it." Remy was as excited as I was. We fist punched and he left.

  I had to tell Avery that I was leaving sooner than planned. I hated it. I didn't want to hurt her, but she knew it wasn't in my control. She was upstairs, getting ready for the day, showering and probably imagining how wonderful our wedding was going to be. I hated to be the one who would put a damper on her happiness.

  Breakfast! Yes, she would love it if I prepared breakfast, a good one with eggs, bacon and French toast. I hadn't surprised her with breakfast in such a long time and I regretted it. I started with the bacon, prepared the French toast and cooked the eggs last. My hands were trembling badly at the thought of announcing my news to her.

  "Mmmm, it smells so good in here, what's the occasion?" Shit. I hadn't wanted to be so obvious. Now she knew something was up and I had to tell her now.

  "I'm... I'm leaving... three days from now. Remy just told me ten minutes ago. I have to go and sign the papers."

  "No... No... Not so soon!" She cried and it broke my heart.

  Her knees gave way and she crumpled on the kitchen floor. I'd never seen her so affected. She was devastated and there was nothing I could do to delay my deployment. I had to leave, no matter what.

  I joined her on the floor and pulled her against me. "I'm so sorry, baby. We knew this was coming, but I know we didn't expect it so soon. They need us, I have to go." I was going back to my Special Forces function and I knew this wasn’t good news for her.

  "I know Carter, I've been dreaming of marrying you for years. It's all I wanted, but knowing that I'm going to lose you two days later, it’s tearing me apart."

  "I’ll send you letters and I'll call you whenever I can. I'll email you all the time, I promise." I sounded like I was begging her to let me go, but we both knew that this was happening; I was leaving her.

  "I trust you, Carter, you're not gone and yet, I'm already counting the days till your return." She sobbed. "I’ll miss you every single day."

  I cupped her face in my hands and looked into her eyes. "I will too baby. I love you so much." I chuckled. "Remember the first time we saw each other?"

  She giggled and rolled her eyes. "It was impossible not to notice you, you were so proud and arrogant." We kissed. "It only lasted a couple of days before they broke you in. You became more humble and the best team member we could have."

  "I'm glad you and Remy were there to help me up when I fell down from my castle."

  "Always, we will always be there." Her words meant so much to me. She always knew what to say to make me feel better and loved.

  "Always." I needed her and Remy more than anyone else in my life. I hadn't talked to my parents since the day I’d enlisted. We weren't on good terms. My father was the type of man who had mistresses
all around town and mom was taking so many different medications that she was out of it most of the time. I was left alone every night, to deal with the cooking, homework and everything else. Enlisting in the army was my only way out and Remy joined me. We were like brothers since the age of seven. His family was great, they came to visit him a couple of times. They were family to me. I loved them, his mother helped me a lot in my teen years, and I spent many nights at their house when she feared that staying at my house wasn't safe.

  Ave held me tight in her arms, while I was lost in my thoughts. It was so much easier when we were going together. She had her reasons for retiring, she had seen death closer than we ever had. She was the only survivor of a bombing that occurred feet away from her and she had survived. She'd had her guardian angel with her that day. She suffered two broken ribs, broke her left arm and ankle but I was glad she had survived. She was placed in an induced coma for a few days and after that, she decided to demand her release from the army. She'd gotten scared and realized that maybe she should be doing something else. I supported her one hundred percent, I wanted my girlfriend, the one I loved more than my own life, safe and happy and alive.

  She was still battling nightmares, but slowly, they were becoming less regular. Avery gave me every reason to be proud of her. There was nothing stopping her, she sought help when she needed it and every time she had a nightmare, we would talk about it until she felt better. Sometimes she freaked me out. Even by calling her name repeatedly, she wouldn't wake up. She was kicking and screaming, she even punched me a couple of times, leaving me with bruises.

  "Ave, I know the timing is wrong, but I want you to enjoy our wedding as much as you possibly can, okay? This is our happy day. The day we’ve been waiting for."

  "Yes... You’re right. Let's try and do this."

  We kissed again and I dried her tears. I didn't want to leave her.

  2.

  July 14th, 2007

  Avery

  The love of my life was standing before me, his eyes were brimming with tears and my heart was on the verge of shattering. Carter was about to become my beloved husband and I, his wife. Nothing else mattered on that precious day.

  I was wearing a flawless white gown made of flowery lace in a mermaid cut. It embraced every curve of my body. My wedding represented the only day of my life where I had allowed myself to be feminine and beautiful. There were no combat boots or camouflage uniforms, I was as pretty as the women in the bridal magazines.

  "You are beautiful, Ave," Carter whispered when Jeremy gave him my hand under the white flowery arch.

  The music stopped and the pastor ordered everyone to take their seat. My gaze was focused on the unforgettable brown eyes of my soon-to-be-husband. I barely noticed the pastor's speech.

  "Promise..... Fidelity.... honesty.... until death..... Love.... hands...”

  "Yes, I do," I announced out of the blue, unaware of when the pastor had said the words. One of our friend's little boy handed me the ring and I placed it on Carter’s finger.

  I had tears running down my cheeks. It was the most beautiful day of my life and he was mine. We had been through so much together, surviving war, September 11th, a long distance romance and planning our wedding. We were soul mates. We wanted to have children and a house with a big white porch and I couldn't wait.

  His smile drew me out of my daydreaming session. “Yes, I do," he said with pride, before he took my hand and added a beautiful diamond ring to my finger.

  "You may kiss the bride." The pastor gave us time for our first official kiss. "I present to you the newly married couple, Avery and Carter Lewis"

  Our guests stood and applauded. My parents' seats were left empty. I truly wished they had been able to travel here for my special day. I tried not to focus on their absence, because it hurt to think about them missing our special day. We had a photographer waiting for us and our guests. We wanted pictures and lots of them. We hadn't wanted a big ceremony, we'd invited only 50 guests, all of them people we cared for and loved.

  "Carter, Avery. I have something for you." Jeremy said, walking toward us. Known to everyone as 'Remy', he was Carter's best friend.

  They had grown up together and both enrolled in the army after finishing school. They were as close as brothers. "Carter and I are being deployed in two days, but I wanted you both to enjoy these two days as much as you can. I reserved a luxurious room for you in a five star hotel, with massages and all that crap. Royal treatment, I guess."

  "Remy, man, thank you so much." From Carter's reaction, I knew he appreciated the gift more than anything. "It's just what we needed, a chance to relax, just the two of us."

  They shared a man-hug which involved much back-slapping before Remy turned to me. "Congrats Ave, you make him so happy. He never shuts up about you." He locked his arms around me as I thanked him for his generosity. I pushed the thought of Carter leaving to the back of my mind, because I wanted to enjoy our wedding day and not dwell on sadness.

  We took hundreds of pictures, most of them on the beach. Beaches were the one thing I enjoyed most about living in North Carolina. We were stationed at Fort Bragg and I was having a hard time adjusting to the heat, as I was originally from Portland, Washington. The boys were from South Carolina, so they were used to the heat.

  Carter had insisted on wearing his ceremonial dark blue uniform and he looked stunning. We'd invited a lot of military guests, this was our lives, our people, our world and we loved it. There were days where I missed being in the Army but I was now retired. I had served for 11 years before being honorably discharged. Carter and Remy were being deployed with the Special Forces, hopefully one last time, for another six months. He would be back for Christmas and we would start our life together then. Of course, I'd told him he could decide if he wanted to continue or not on his return. I didn’t want to force him out, he loved his job, and the Special Forces role was the result of all his hard work. My desire for a family was growing each and every day and I couldn't stop dreaming about a mini Carter running in our yard or a little girl playing with her dolls. I was ready to be a mother.

  "You, my gorgeous bride, are the love of my life." My new husband murmured in my ear as we took the last picture. I had the biggest smile on my face and my heart was bursting. I was happier than I'd ever been in my whole life.

  The reception was great and dinner was about to be served. Our guests were drinking cocktails and talking. We were about to make our entrance as husband and wife. Carter held my hand tightly and kissed it as we stood on the other side of the entrance. We heard Remy call our names.

  "Ready, baby?"

  "Let's go!" The door opened and we strolled in the room. Every guest was standing, applauding and whistling and it meant so much to me. I would never be able to forget how good I felt. We were married and my feelings for Carter were beyond anything I had ever felt before.

  3.

  July 15th, 2007

  Avery

  Waking up in cherry red Egyptian sheets with my new husband, was everything I wanted in life. Our legs were entwined and his arms held me against him. I was awake but I didn't want to move, I wanted to embrace the moment and make it last as long as I could. He looked so relaxed, happy. He was suffering a severe case of bed-head, but it only served to make him more gorgeous.

  I couldn't see his pale brown eyes but I knew that as soon as he woke up, they would shine with love and give me butterflies.

  I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment and the simplicity of our life together. Our hours left together were numbered, I had to make the best of it. This, I knew, was something I would miss. His warmth and his presence in our bed. Soon, it would be cold and lonely. I prayed the day would never end.

  Soft touches tickled my cheeks and words whispered in my ear brought me awake with a smile on my face. Carter knew how to get the day started perfectly. He nibbled on my earlobe and it made me giggle.

  "Good morning, beautiful wife." I felt his breath against the skin of my ne
ck.

  "Morning, hot husband," I smiled.

  "Every morning when I'm away, I want you to remember this moment, because when I return, we'll share every morning together. Exactly like today." His words made me happy, but they also meant so much more. All the pain and sadness I would feel without him. "Remember baby, remember. It's all I ask you. Time will fly and I’ll be back with you. You are my shining star whom I love very much."

  "Thank you..."I cried. “I’ll miss you, but I’ll think about us being together every time I'm feeling sad. I love you so much." He kissed my tears.

  "Now smile, baby girl, I want you happy. We have to enjoy our time. No more sadness."

  "Okay, you're right." I forced a grin and he rolled his eyes at me, probably because I was being facetious...

  "You are adorable, but such a bad liar. I'm going to make you laugh. I want to hear you laugh." He straddled me and started tickling. I was screaming for help and I couldn't breathe because I laughed and scream too hard. His hands found their way under my top and the tickling transformed into soft caresses and my laughter quieted as my breathing accelerated. Carter knew how to get to me and his touches were all I desired. His lips met mine and the intensity of our passion raised. We filled our precious time together with all the love and emotion we possessed.

  ~~~*~~~

  While I showered, Carter ordered breakfast. I adored our hotel room and I wished we could stay longer. The suite was large, elegant and luxurious. Remy had good taste. The towels smelled so good, vanilla scented, and so soft. I loved it. I scanned the bathroom, in which every surface was magnificent polished marble and screamed luxury. I could easily get used to this lifestyle, but it was only temporary.

  It felt good to wash my hair, the hairdresser had probably used half a can of hair spray on it, and my hair hadn't moved an inch since yesterday. For the wedding, I'd had my hair curled into a classic high-do, decorated with tiny white flowers. Perfect for a wedding day, but I wouldn't be able to wear such a hairstyle on a daily basis. The small flowers matched the lace on my dress and I knew I'd never looked so beautiful in my life.