Body, Ink, and Soul Read online

  Body, Ink, and Soul

  By Jude Ouvrard

  Copyright © Jude Ouvrard 2014

  Published by Jude Ouvrard

  The right of Jude Ouvrard to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her under the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.

  License Notes: This novel is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This print may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

  This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  KINDLE VERSION

  Cover Artist: Kari March

  Pictures: © KatieLittle25

  Editor: Debbie Williams - The Pedantic Punctuator

  Contents

  Important Notice Before Reading.

  Prologue

  Chapter ONE

  Chapter TWO

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Acknowledgement

  Who is Jude?

  Important Notice Before Reading.

  If you are going to read this book, you have to crush on sexy tattooed guys or enjoy a girls’ night out at the club.

  But most importantly, you need to understand the meaning of friendship. When your friends are all you have left...

  And you must feel the need, the passion, the overwhelming sensation of being the lucky girl in the care of her soul mate.

  When love spreads in your body, ink and soul.

  To Debbie Williams, I don’t think I would’ve been able to do this without you.

  To Tracey Millen, for your constant support.

  To Sandra Chevrier, for listening to my blabbering as I wrote this one.

  To Megan Noelle, for everything you’ve done.

  To Simone Beaudelaire because you are awesome!

  Prologue

  Jackie

  ''Positive? You’ve gotta be kidding me.'' I stared at the pregnancy test in the bathroom of my parent’s house.

  ''I’m pregnant,'' I whispered as I gasped for air, feeling my lungs deflate and my heartbeat pound in my temple. I felt dizzy and nauseated, the weight of the realization slamming into me.

  Panicked, I dropped the pregnancy test on the cold tile floor, unable to control my trembling hands. What was I going to do? My mom would never approve. I promised her I would wait until my wedding night for my first time. I was only nineteen - I had lied to my mother and I was expecting the worst. She was going to kick me out and I would become the biggest disappointment of her life. Of this I was sure. I sank to the floor, dropping my head into my hands.

  What about Brian? We had never really talked about having a baby and we had barely talked about any type of commitment. Quite frankly, he wasn't the type to commit. I knew he loved me – he’d told me hundreds of times how much I meant to him. I crossed my fingers, trying to hold on to some hope. A little luck. He had to support me. I couldn’t imagine going through this alone. I wanted him to be with me and help raise our child. But what would he say?

  Should I wait to tell them? Should I abort without mentioning anything to anyone?

  As soon as the idea of abortion crossed my mind, another wave of nausea coursed through me. I couldn't even think about it without my heart hurting.

  I knew two things immediately - I was going to fight for the life of my unborn child. And it wasn't going to be easy.

  I waited two long, seemingly endless months. They were, by far, the worst two months of my existence. Every day was a battle, trying to hide my morning sickness and my growing little belly. I had no idea how far along I was in my pregnancy, but I suspected I was somewhere around four months.

  When I started to show, I knew I no longer had a choice – it was time for me to face reality. I had been thinking about how to break the news for months, and I decided I wanted to tell Brian first. He was the father, after all. He had a right to know before anyone... and I expected his reaction to be a lot smoother than my parents’.

  One night, we were watching TV in my parent’s basement. I had been worrying myself sick, trying to find the perfect moment to break the news. I watched him as he sat peacefully on the sofa. He had just gotten a huge tattoo on his back. He loved tattoos, motorcycles, and muscle cars. He was a rebel, but I knew he had the sweetest of all hearts. I couldn't think of a life without him. Although he was in a bit of pain from the tatt, he seemed to be in a really good mood. It was now or never.

  ''Brian, I have something important to tell you. Please, don't freak out.'' I looked at him nervously, trying to tune out the sound of tires screeching on the television.

  He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed. ''What’s wrong, baby?''

  I took a deep breath and sat on my trembling fingers to hide how nervous I was. ''I'm pregnant,'' I blurted out.

  ''You're what?'' His face blanched and he stood up.

  ''Pregnant. I’m pregnant. We're expecting a baby.'' A small smile traced my lips, but then I realized that he wasn't feeling the same way. I froze, watching him react to my declaration.

  His hand had gripped his hair in frenzy. ''Do your parents know? Have you seen a doctor? Are you sure?'' He took a small pause and I could see the distress in his eyes. ''You're only nineteen and I’m twenty-two! Your parents are going to kill me!''

  He was right - they wouldn't support us. No tears of joy could be expected from them.

  ''No, they won't,'' I lied, ''and you are the only one who knows.'' I sat there, holding my breath, afraid to say much more. He was pacing the floor, shoving his hands through his hair repeatedly, I wasn’t sure how this was going to play out.

  He took a few deep breaths, obviously trying to calm himself. He walked over to me and stood in front of me, looking at my face, my belly and my face again. ''I need some fresh air, baby. I’m going to smoke a cigarette outside.''

  My parents didn't want him to smoke in the house. My dad had stopped smoking and he had a hard time dealing with smokers around him.

  Brian bent down to eye level, holding my gaze intently, as if he was memorizing my face. He kissed me softly.

  ''I’ll be right back," he nearly whispered. He grabbed his t-shirt from the couch, put it on and jogged up the stairs.

  ''Be quick!'' I told him before he reached for the door. I was a nervous wreck. I needed him to comfort me, to help me figure this out.

  He paused briefly before opening the door and walking through it.

  He never came back inside.

  Brian never came back at all. He never even called. He simply left town and never returned. The last thing I saw of Brian was the tattoo of a phoenix he had gotten
earlier that day. The bird remained imprinted on my memory. It was singed into my subconscious, like a burn. I couldn’t forget that tattoo if I tried.

  I attempted to call his number many times over the next few days, but the line was disconnected. His friends wouldn't tell me where he was but, to be honest, I don’t think they knew. He left everything he had behind. He’d gotten scared and run.

  I was devastated – crying myself to sleep every night. I didn’t expect Brian to be thrilled about the baby, but never in my wildest dreams did I expect him to leave me. I had to try to make peace with Brian abandoning me, before I could face my parents. I had to get myself together before I could deal with them - there’s only so much one person can take at a time.

  I waited three weeks before I felt confident enough to approach my parents. My mom, as expected, didn't take it well. She slapped me across the face, yelling that I was an embarrassment to our family. That she could never forgive me. That I should not expect any help or sympathy from her. My dad remained silent through her tirade and I think my dad’s silence hurt more than my mother’s screaming.

  They kicked me out, effective immediately. My parents, the two people in the world whom I should have been able to lean on, left me on the sidewalk with a garbage bag full of my personal belongings. I had nowhere to go. I was alone - well, not exactly alone, but I had nobody to count on. I felt more alone than I’d ever imagined possible.

  I ended up in a shelter for women that first night. Thanks to the assistance of the people running the shelter, I was able to find a job and earn a few bucks as a waitress in a small cafe in downtown Dallas.

  My life was a mess. I’d never expected to end up pregnant at nineteen, and living in a shelter. I put one foot in front of the other for those first few days, silently promising my baby we would make it. That I wouldn’t fail my unborn child. I wouldn’t give up on our future, like everyone else had. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew I wouldn’t give up without a fight.

  I met Carlson at the café a couple of weeks later. He came in one night while I was working, and was charming and polite. We had an easy banter between us from the beginning and he kept me company during the shift. The cafe wasn’t busy that night and Carlson and I traded stories and chatted. He was in town for a few days for business and I secretly hoped he would come back in - I had never met anyone like him before. Carlson was a tall, good-looking man with short brown hair. His suit fit him perfectly, he looked like a responsible businessman.

  He paid his bill and turned to go, but stopped a few feet from the door. He held my gaze for a few seconds before he spoke.

  “I won’t sleep tonight, knowing you’re pregnant and sleeping in that shelter. I have an extra bed in my hotel room, Jackie. You’re more than welcome to use it. I would like it if you chose to use it."

  For some strange reason, I trusted Carlson. Trust wasn’t something which came easily for me, especially after the recent events with Brian, but Carlson seemed different.

  I ended up staying with him for the remainder of his stay in Dallas. We talked a lot and I learned more about him over the next few days. The night before he was set to leave town, we were sitting in the kitchenette, drinking tea. He seemed especially pensive.

  “Jackie, where will you go when I leave tomorrow?"

  I shrugged. I hated the thought of going back to the shelter, but I had no other options. I had no one. Tears sprang to my eyes and I silently pleaded with them not to fall.

  “That’s what I thought.” He set his cup down on the table and leaned back in his chair, studying me. "Come with me to Seattle.”

  My eyes almost popped out of my head. Whatever I thought he was going to say – whatever direction I thought this conversation was going – this wasn’t it.

  Seeing my shock, Carlson explained. “I’m not married. I have no kids. I have this house which is too big for me alone, and I’m never there much anyway. It wouldn’t make sense for you to go to the shelter in your current situation, when you could come with me.” He leaned forward on his elbows. “You’d be safe. You’d have food. You could rest. Please, come with me.”

  All I had in the world was a trash bag full of clothes. This man was offering me the basic necessities of life, somewhere safe for my baby and I to stay. I would’ve been an idiot to refuse his generous offer.

  The next morning, I grabbed my bag and placed it in the trunk of the taxi alongside Carlson’s luggage. I sat in the back seat with my hand settled on my belly.

  "It's our only chance to have a better life, Phoenix. I promise you a great future and I will do everything I can to get it for us," I whispered to my baby. “I’ll protect you from bad things, ensure you’ll stay away from scum like your father. You deserve much better, I won’t ever let you be hurt like I was.”

  Carlson slid in beside me, and as we pulled out onto the highway, he smiled, quietly watching as I said my silent goodbyes to Dallas. I would never return, never see my parents again.

  This part of my life was over.

  Chapter ONE

  The Beginning – Summer time

  ''Hey, girls! I'm done for the summer, I just finished my last exam. God, it was so hard,'' I said, still thinking about the answers I had written down on my paper. I hoped it had gone well, as every questions was tricky. I hated the teacher, I expected exactly that with him; nothing could ever be simple.

  ''I’ve just sent my essay to my teacher. So I'm done too.'' Val added.

  ''I've been done with school for an entire day already,'' Bekka teased. ''It feels really good to be off.'' She stretched, still wearing her pyjamas.

  ''Our summer should be fun... the apartment, our jobs. I can feel it,'' I announced.

  Bekka and Val laughed.

  It was the end of the semester - the beginning of summer. Our summer, I thought. Freedom, hanging out and a nice tan, I was more than ready.

  We were all twenty-one and enjoying every second of our lives. Bekka, Val and I had finally moved into our apartment. It was close to the University of Washington in Seattle, as our parents had insisted. They all thought if we were going to move out of their houses, we had to be close to school - that way, we had no excuse to be late for classes. At first, they were worried sharing an apartment was going to disturb our studies, but we promised numerous times that it wouldn't and they finally agreed. To be honest, the people we had to convince the most were my parents. I was an only child, and they wanted me to wait until my studies were done to move out of the family home. For them, moving away from their supervision meant I was going to become careless about my studies. Maybe even drop out. They were just being parents - worried we wouldn’t study and would turn into party animals, but that wasn't us. It wasn't what we wanted. Our future was important to us - we just wanted to live together and start experiencing life independently. We’d rented a small three bedroom flat. It was old and in need of new paint, but the rent was cheap and we loved it. The nice beige brick wall in the living room and kitchen was the charm of the apartment. The purple curtains in the living room helped turn the shabby interior into something incredibly girly and, in our opinion, fabulous. While it may not be perfect for everyone—to us, it was home.

  All three of us had gotten a job at a club downtown, Black Shakers. We lived together and worked together - we were inseparable. They were like my sisters. We grew up together, never fought, and we’d made a rule to always talk about what was on our mind. No secrets allowed - honesty was our one and only rule. We had been friends since the age of seven; there was nothing in the world which would be strong enough to tear us apart. The summer before we started high school, we knew things would change. New school, new temptations and probably new friends. We didn’t want things to change in our friendship, so the last weekend before starting school again, we made a blood promise with a prick of our fingers and friendship candles we’d found at some obscure store. It kept us together through high school.

  ''We promise to always be honest with eac
h other and to always defend and protect our sisters.'' We repeated it three times, and blew out our candles to end the ceremony.

  My parents didn't know I had a job in a club. I knew how much they would worry about my safety if they ever found out, so some things were better left unsaid. They would almost definitely blow it out of proportion, so this was one life change I decided they didn’t need to know about.

  The sun peeked through my thin curtains and I was slowly pulled out of my dream. I stretched my sore muscles, feeling way too tired to get out of bed. But I was supposed to be at work in the music store in two hours, so I had to resist succumbing to the warm and comfortable confines of my bed. The tips from bartending at the club were enough to pay all my expenses but there was one thing it didn’t have—Tristan. He worked in the classical section and one smile was enough to make working there totally worth it. His perfect ocean-blue eyes matched his curly blonde hair to perfection. He was a brilliant law student and everything I wanted in a guy – gorgeous, polite and caring with the people at work. His sweetness also drew me to him; the first time I met him, he blushed and stammered when he told me his name. I thought it was adorable. Every time we spoke, I would replay our conversation in my mind for days. I was falling hard for him and I’d decided I had to take the next step – I had to ask him out.

  Today is the day. I had to work up the courage and ask him out for coffee or a movie. I wasn't working at the club tonight, so it was the perfect opportunity. As soon as I set foot in the store, my heart started fluttering, I was so anxious and jumpy. I dropped more CD's than I could count, and if my fingers would just stop trembling, it would help me get through the day. Every time, I looked his way, I felt the jitters and trembling fingers getting worse. It felt like an out of body experience or as if I was a recovering drug addict. His eyes met mine a couple of times. Once, there was such intensity in his look it made me feel special for a brief instant. A little while ago, Bekka had come to visit and she said Tristan watched me constantly when I wasn’t looking. Little moments like those had to mean something—right?