Not Afraid to Love You (Ink Series - Spin Off Book 1) Read online

  “The bus station, please.” I tell him before he asks. Driving to the station, he doesn’t ask me anything, he simply hums to the music playing.

  I wonder how long the adrenaline will last in my body. Since I spoke to Abbey over an hour ago, my heart hasn’t stopped pounding in my chest and I feel an enormous strength running through my veins. Same as when Dave would hit me, my body has developed some kind of reaction.

  At first, it seemed that everything that could make him feel jealous would result in a fight and bruises. Then, if for whatever reason he was put under stress at work, he acted as if I was a burden in his life and he would call me names and push me against the walls if I got in his way. I wanted to disappear. Lately, Dave had problems trusting people, including me. He thought the whole world had turned against him and that’s when he started hurting me more and more.

  I’ve been thinking about leaving him for a while but never planned anything. I’m only a shadow of the person I used to be but I can see that this isn’t the life for me anymore. He always broke his promises and I have more diamonds than a girl could wish for from all the apologies he made using them. My time to leave had come and Abbey calling when she did was perfect. Even though I know the timing is right, I can’t help myself, I’m still terrified that he finds me before I escape this city.

  “Ma’am. We’re at the bus station.” The driver says knocking on my window.

  “I’m sorry. I was lost in my thoughts.” I say closing the car door. Before going inside the building, I take a deep breath to calm myself down. I can’t say that it worked but I had to try. Holding my suitcase firmly, I enter the station and go directly to the admission.

  “Hi, I would like to have the next ticket to Spokane, please.”

  “There is an express leaving in fifteen minutes or the regular one leaving in forty-five minutes.”

  “I’ll take the express, one seat, please.”

  I’m starting to believe that my stars are aligning. Everything is going smoothly. I pay and she gives me my ticket. Holding it between my fingers, it feels like gold. It’s my runaway ticket. Could this mean I can have a life again? I hope so.

  For now, spending time with my family is all I ask for. I don’t think I will ever be able to trust a man again in my life. Dave showed no sign of danger when I met him. He was perfect. Everybody around me was jealous of us. Dave acted like he was the American dream. He was a young lawyer with a great career ahead of him and making more money than he knew what to do with. All that and the look of a Hollywood star. That’s the man I fell in love with, not the monster he became.

  Sitting in the bus, I say goodbye to Seattle and every single bad memory of Dave. There is no need to remember the pain he put me through. Two weeks ago, while we were making love, he began to strangle me. Everything was going well, he started kissing me everywhere and being gentle with me and then out of nowhere, he got rough. He thrust into me so hard that I bled for two days. He squeezed my breast in his hands until I begged him to stop. His grip on my sides and my shoulders left my skin burning with pain. It ended with his hands around my neck. I regained consciousness in the shower under a rain of cold water with Dave standing next to me completely naked. He held me against him for at least an hour.

  At that point, I knew I had to leave or he was definitely going to kill me.

  CHAPTER TWO

  The Reunion

  The bus stopped, I look outside and know exactly where I am. This is home. Finally! I’m crying again but this time because I’m so damn happy. I’m home again. I can’t wait to see Abbey and Matthew.

  Sugar, needs some fresh air, she has been more than patient today but needs to take care of business now. I find a small park nearby and let her out of the carrier.

  “God, it’s so good to be home.” I smile and spin around like a ballerina. “Come here, little girl…Sugar!” She’s running like a mad little girl and it makes me laugh out loud. Why does such a simple thing make me so happy?

  When she finally comes back to me, I know I have to find a phone to call my sister. After putting Sugar back into her carrier, I start walking toward the bus station again. If there’s any place where I can find a phone, it will be there.

  Inside of me, there’s a thrill of pure excitement at being back here and I’m really hoping I’ll be able to continue my life here without interaction from Dave. I know it’s impossible and it will only be a matter of time before he finds me but I have to hope. That is all I have for now.

  “I’ll never let you go, Lilly-Rose. What we have is too important for me not to fight for it.” I still remember the words he had spoken to me only a few weeks ago after I had enough courage to tell him he couldn’t keep hurting me.

  “There’s so much pressure at work, I know I’m not always my best when I’m home and it worries me. I’m afraid you’re going to start looking elsewhere.” I call it bullshit but at the same time, it explains his jealousy. Hiding from society might be the best thing to do for a while. I have enough money in my wallet to survive, at least for a while.

  “Excuse me, sir, where can I find a phone?” I ask the clerk at the information booth.

  “They are on your left but here, you can use this one if you want.” He offers with a small smile.

  “Thank you. I appreciate it. It’s been a long trip and I need to call my sister to come and pick me up.”

  Pushing the phone in my direction, I dial the number and wait for her to answer. She had better pick up or I don’t know where I’ll go. Matthew, I can call him but I’d rather be with Abbey tonight. There are so many things I have to tell her.

  “Hello.” Thank god!

  “Abbey. It’s me. I’m at the bus station.” Don’t cry, Lilly, don’t cry.

  “You had me so scared. I was about to call the police. I’m on my way. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

  She hangs up and I have to try really hard not to cry. It is so hard, though.

  “Thank you for letting me use the phone. She’s on her way.”

  “You’re welcome.” He says getting up. “I’m sorry, ma’am, are you okay?”

  “I am now.” If my bottom lip wasn’t trembling, he might have believed me. “Thank you.”

  Waiting outside at the main entrance, I look at every car coming in my direction. Last time, I saw her, she had an old rusty Golf Volkswagen. I don’t think she is driving that car still unless a miracle happened. It was falling apart then.

  Sugar isn’t so patient anymore. She wants to be out of that carrier fast. Her barking has all eyes on me and it is making me more anxious. As if I can handle that at the moment.

  “Sugar, quiet, please.” The begging in my voice doesn’t make her stop. As soon as I’m in the car, I’ll let her out.

  “Lilly.” Recognizing a voice from behind, I turn around and see her waving at me. She’s still a rebel, I see, noticing her car parked illegally on the road.

  “Abbey.” Running to her, with everything I own, I get to her car.

  “Get in before I get another ticket.”

  She’s driving a brand new Audi. How in the hell can she afford that car at twenty years old? I put my suitcase in her trunk and sit in the front with her. By now, it’s impossible to control my tears.

  “Thank you… Thank you so much.” It’s all I can say. Sugar has calmed down.

  “I’m sorry that I’m not greeting you with more class. I can’t believe I just literally shouted your name and urged you to get inside the car. I just wanna get you home, hug you and listen to everything. You are going to tell me everything that asshole has done to you, aren’t you?”

  “I don’t think it’s such a good idea.” Telling her would only make me look weak and stupid for staying with him for so long.

  “Matthew wants to kill him. He trusted Dave like a brother. We all did. The apartment I live in isn’t under my name. I live with someone. He’s not home now but I think I’m in love.”

  “Who…” She doesn’t let me finish my quest
ion before she cuts me off.

  “You don’t know him. He’s staying on base right now.”

  “What? On base? Are you dating a soldier?”

  She nods and can’t hold back her smile.

  “I’m happy for you. You deserve to be happy.” I get Sugar out of the carrier to divert my attention. I’m glad she’s happy but it also reminds me of how much I failed.

  “You deserve to be happy too.”

  I don’t know about that. Part of me wants to believe her but I think Dave took every good thing away from me. So many doubts live inside me now. Honestly, how can I trust anyone ever again? The one man I loved enough to move away and sacrifice my life for, had a nasty habit of hitting me, breaking down my self-esteem every time.

  “Don’t look outside the window like you’re trying to ignore what I just said. You deserve to be happy and you will be.” She hits the steering wheel with her hand. “Shit, I can’t believe this. Dave’s an asshole and he’s going to pay for what he did to you.”

  I remain silent. Telling her the details of his actions will not help this situation, it might be better to keep it a secret.

  “Are you going to tell me about your boyfriend? He has quite a nice condo.” Looking around, I can’t believe my eyes. Everything is brand new, clean and trendy. Most of the walls are painted white with large windows. I didn’t know the Air Force paid that well. His leather couch is as comfortable as a cloud. I never want to sit anywhere else. I kid you not.

  “He does. His name is Logan and he’s twenty-seven. He comes from a military family so he joined the Air Force as soon as he could. I met him downtown a few months ago. I was walking home alone one night after work, fell over and sprained my ankle. He brought me home and took care of me all night. He is stationed at Fairchild but he’s currently in intensive training.”

  “Are you sure he won’t mind me staying here for a couple of days. I’ll find a place to stay as soon as I decide what to do with my life. I haven’t done anything in two years. Finding a job will probably be a challenge.”

  “He won’t mind. He’ll be happy that I have someone to spend time with. Why don’t you go back to the salon?”

  “I don’t think I want to be a hairstylist anymore.”

  I hate when she does that, looking at me like I’m a broken tree or dying flowers. Pity won’t save me, only a miracle will. I sigh at how bad my life is.

  “They are hiring at the diner across the street. It could be a way for you to get back on your feet.”

  “Maybe. I have the experience.” It sounds better than the salon. I feel like I have to start over and not go right back to where my life used to be before I left.

  “What do you say we have breakfast there tomorrow? See if you like the place.”

  She smiles and I envy her. Her life is what mine used to be. Easy.

  I don’t answer but instead I just hug her. Abbey has no idea how good it makes me feel to hold her in my arms. I’ve never missed anyone like I’ve missed her. Well, Matthew is the exception. Our parents decided to move to China years ago, both of them teaching English in a University. They never visit and we barely hear from them anymore. It’s a weird situation. It’s almost as if they are dead, except, they aren’t. Like I said, it’s weird.

  The doorbell interrupts my thoughts.

  “I’ll get it.” Abbey runs to the door while I take off my cardigan. “Who is it?” She asks through the intercom.

  “Matthew.”

  I get up from the couch and walk in direction of the door. I can’t wait to see him. We hear him coming and Abbey opens the door. Seconds later, his arms wrap around me. My emotions are raw. The reunion of us all makes me cry again. I hate Dave for pushing them away.

  “You better not go back to him or I’ll go get you myself.”

  “I won’t.” I promise. Now that I’ve finally left, I never intend to go back.

  He pulls away to get a better look at me. My tears are still uncontrollable but these are more happy tears.

  “What are these marks on your arms? Was that him? Dave did that to you?”

  Ashamed, my eyes drift to the floor as I nod. “He did.”

  “I’m going to kill the fucker. Is he still in Seattle?”

  “Probably, unless he’s on his way here.”

  Matthew chuckles. “I would love to see him here. You’re going to have to go to the police tomorrow and file a restraining order.”

  In moments like this, Matthew acts like a father rather than a brother. He’s protective and will do anything to protect Abbey and me. Part of me wants to hate it but I have a feeling I’ll need a protector now more than ever.

  “Where are you going to stay now?”

  As if I know.

  “Here for a couple of days. I have to find my way again and decide what I want to do.” I tell him weeping shamefully. “Abbey mentioned the diner. I can start there and get back in the groove. I haven’t worked in a very long time.”

  Matthew is staring at me, I can tell he wants to say something to me but he doesn’t. Running his hand through his thick dark hair, he groans. “Why now, Lilly? Why not six months ago or the first time he touched you?”

  “It’s a cycle, Matt. The first time it happened, I couldn’t understand why but then he said he was sorry and I decided to stay. He always made me feel good again. He would spoil me and make me forget how bad I felt. It happened again and again. I know I’m stupid, I have no excuse but lately, I… I started to see my life wasting away and I couldn’t let it happen again. In my mind, a plan started to draw itself, Abbey talked to me at the right time.”

  “Tomorrow, you go to the police station. I’m not kidding. I’ll go with you if you want me to, or Abbey.”

  “I’ll go.” I agree. As a lawyer, Dave will understand what the order means. He’ll have to stay away from me.

  “It’s time you start protecting yourself.”

  Matthew continues pacing the room, trying to calm down while Abbey sits next to me looking at me with a sorry look tattooed on her face.

  “Is there something you would like to do tonight?”

  I shrug. My stomach growls answering her question for me.

  “I guess, we should eat. The fridge is empty so we’ll have to go out or order. I don’t mind one or the other, you pick.”

  Staying inside seems like the smart thing to do but I need some fresh air. Talking about my life and how fucked up it is makes me feel uneasy. When I lived with Dave, talking about my problems never appealed to me because I knew how it made me look. Now, I have to work hard to get my strength and self-esteem near where it used to be.

  “Let’s go out. I’ve missed my city.” Matthew and Abbey smile at me like I’ve just reached a milestone or something. “I need fresh air too.”

  “Alright, let’s go. I know the right place to go.” Abbey says.

  As soon as I step outside, I look up at the sky and take a deep breath begging myself to be strong and not weak.

  I have been weak enough in my life, right?

  Sitting back in my sister’s luxurious car, I let her drive us to the restaurant. My stomach keeps growling and it’s getting embarrassing. I’m on edge, my eyes following every person on the sidewalk and looking at every building we come across.

  She finally parks her car in a large lot almost filled to capacity. I’ve seen this place before but I never went inside. The Spot, that’s what they call it, I remember.

  Matthew nudges his sister. “Are you even old enough to get inside?”

  “Don’t worry, it’s all under control.”

  Stepping out of the car, I follow them to the entrance. The security guy hugs my sister as they chitchat. How does she know him? I don’t understand. This place requires you to be twenty-one and she isn’t, yet.

  When we walk inside, it hits me. The place is full of men in uniform…Air Force guys. This has to be where she met her boyfriend. Some of the guys nod at her, some wave.

  “Hey, Ab. Logan isn’t out
yet.”

  “I know. I came with my brother and sister.” The guy’s eyes zoom in on mine and he winks. Heat surges to my cheeks. Why am I blushing? Matthew subtly steps in front of me.

  “Hey, Matthew.” They shake hands and engage in some small talk.

  “Meet my sister, Lilly. She just moved back to town today.”

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Carlos.” We shake hands but I can’t look him in the eyes. I avoid him and it must look stupid. Maybe going out tonight wasn’t a good idea, after all. I’m not ready for this. He lets my hand go.

  “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” For someone so tall and big, he has the most comforting voice but I can’t do this.

  “I… uh… I.” I stuttered.

  “No, it’s okay. She’s been through a lot. We’re just going to go sit and eat. I’ll talk to you later.” Abbey takes control of the situation. She’s now in protector mode too.

  I order a club sandwich, which I plan to eat all of and no doubt quickly because I’m so hungry. As well as that I order a beer, my first beer since I moved away from here because Dave only ever drank wine. I am going to savor every drop of it. Only now as I relax, it strikes me why I am so hungry, I haven’t eaten all day.

  Fifteen minutes later, our food arrives and I think I’m going to pass out if I don’t start eating now. Matthew is already cutting into his steak while Abbey digs into her pasta bowl. My mouth’s full, I probably have one quarter of my sandwich packed inside my mouth. Way to go, Lilly.

  “Hey, guys.”

  “Hey, man. Sit with us.” Matthew offers the seat next to him, which is also next to me. I hurry and try to swallow the damn sandwich. “Do you remember my sister, Lilly?”

  Trying to look normal, I turn to him with a fake smile. I do know him. My first high school crush. Lennox Love. My brother’s best friend until he moved away to Seattle.

  My smile turns real and honest. “Lennox, hi.”